It is the 17th day now. When this all started, I was full of strong emotions – good and bad. And that was one reason why I didn’t write anything because I am afraid it might be too much and I might regret the words I’ll utter.
Now – what do I feel? The only thing I am feeling right now is EXHAUSTION. This is normal I guess. It is that time when I guess I reached my plateaus point.
For 17 days now, I heard so much explosion – from guns, to mortars, to whatever explosive device they used. Too much to last me for a lifetime.
When it started it felt surreal. It felt like out of a movie, soldiers running everywhere with their guns, big humvees, war vehicles in my city, it feels like a nightmare. The city where I used to feel nothing but security. Yes! Before, when friends from Manila or Davao would say Zamboanga is dangerous – the land of bombs! I would just laugh it off and say, no it isn’t, most of those fights before happen in the outskirts, in Basilan or Lamitan.
But now? I don’t think I could even deny it. Everyone must have heard of what is happening here in my city. It is on national news, people are seeing the bad side of it 😦 which is so sad because before no one even dared to take a look at our beautiful city.
But it is still home for me, the thought of living in another city where it will be more peaceful came into our minds. Me and my hubby talked about it…but I don’t know when.
A big part of me doesn’t want to leave this place – this place where I grew up. The place where I could even walk blindfold and I won’t get lost! lol.
I stopped reading the newspaper, I stopped reading facebook posts, I stopped looking at news on TV. why? They sensationalize things. Some would say it is the government’s fault. Some would lash out on the MNLF, some would even hurl harsh comments on the soldiers… it is getting crazy.
All I can say is, we are all human – with this happening, humanity is lost. People from the MNLF side died – meaning they, somehow have loved one grieving too, kids left orphaned and same with the side of the Army, the Marines. NO WINNER and the pain will be endless, the pain will be there and sad to say there will still be someone who will hold grudges and this will never stop. 😦
but somehow i am hoping it will. that someone one or two will initiate to forgive and somehow probably forget – but maybe not forget because it will serve as a reminder how once humanity is being massacred, how humanity was lost…. but will it ever happen? the forgiveness? 😦 i don’t think so as long as there will be persons who will hold grudges, who will feel deprived, feel lost, feel like they have been blindsided…
All i want right now is for my city, Zamboanga to stand up, to hold on to that little bit of hope left now, and somehow Mi Ciudad de Zamboanga, will be stronger and still prosper.