For the love of…cakes!

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The other day when I took my boys out, I made it a point that we go grab some cakes at Cakes & Cupcakes.

I just can’t help it. It’s like a lifeline of my existence (ok a bit exaggerating here) But yes, I need to eat cake even ย once a week! My ultimate comfort food ๐Ÿ˜€

I am not sure the name of this cake. I mean usually when we go to pastry shop they would put some labels near the cake so we will know what kind of cake that is. It was JJ who chose this cake. I guess he was attracted to pink lol.

 

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I have to admit I love how pink it is with the frosting on top. It looks so girlie lol.

The verdict? It was so so, I mean it was not that bad but the taste doesn’t stand out too. Will i buy it again? Probably not. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ It’s not even average.

 

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This was the slice of cake I ordered. What I love about it was it was chocolate. The whole cake was moist (Thank God! If it wasn’t it would be one of those epic fail cakes) It was simple yet right on the spot for me.

Verdict? I’ll buy this again ๐Ÿ˜€

 

To my Jazel

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Hi Baby,

 

I am not sure if I will let you read this tomorrow or wait for you to read this when you get a bit older. Right now, while doing this, I can see you asleep in your bed, you hugging a pillow. Unlike other kids who sleep with their favorite toy, or favorite pillow or blankie. You don’t have any of that. Probably because I didn’t condition you to sleep with your pillow or your fave blanket or stuffed toy. Yet you sleep quite peacefully and with a smile on your face once in a while.

I am writing this to you because today you made me so proud. When I left you this morning, my heart was so heavy. 95% of me wants to stay at home yet that 5% needs to go to the office because I have been absent for days because your brothers got sick.

When I told you last night that I your Ate won’t be home yet, I know a part of you was worried because you know you will be in-charge of your little brothers (even though they’re not so little) and a part of you wants to tell me NO and but you still said YES Mama this morning.

Even though I know my sister-in-law was with you at home, I was still very uneasy when I left. Even though I left enough food for the whole day, with biscuits, oatmeal prepared for you. I feel like crap. (that’s not swearing) I feel rotten. I feel like a bad mom. Your dad didn’t have a choice too. He could have bring you with him to the office yet he can’t because your brother acquired Chicken pox.

And I know it was too much for you to look after your hyper active brothers. Who does nothing but somehow gets in your hair (you can’t deny it, I know you)

Yet you still said YES Mama this morning because at a very young age you understand the value of work for mama and papa. You understand that we barely have money, that we need to pay bills and we need money to sustain our lives.

I could not help but also laugh when you called me in the office (and you knowing my office number by heart makes me so proud too because I know you can call me immediately in times of emergency) You called me in your “pacute” voice yet in panic mode that your little brother JJ had his own “little emergency!” I could hear the panic in it and I know you really despised that moment the most. Yet You also told me Tita can’t help because she went to see her little baby too. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ It broke my heart that you have to do that too. Yet you still said Yes Mama, I got this. And you hang up.

I had to call back and you weren’t answering. After a few tries you answered again and said you took care of it all. You and your 6 year old brother took care of it (I am so proud of him too) you both helped your little brother in his “little accident” and it was a success.

You just don’t know how proud I am, knowing that somehow you didn’t leave him or left him crying and took care of it without me there.

But on the other hand, I feel so rotten. I should have stayed with you like I have said on the phone when I called you at lunch again asking if you ate already and still you said Yes Mama, you both ate already. I told you to just leave the dishes on the sink and I’ll take care of it. And you said yes, and told me you will now bring your brothers to the room and continue to make some drawings. You make so proud.

 

When I called you again past 3pm, you told me your brothers are asleep. You have done an amazing job and I am proud of you yet I again feel rotten. This is too much of a responsibility for you ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

And when I went home, I saw that the house was not as dirty as I expected it to be. Your Tita even said you guys were great, no big fuss at all.

If only I could tell you these things, probably I could but I am not sure if you would understand how I am feeling. Maybe you will because you are mature for your age.

I am thanking you for being my daughter, I don’t deserve you or your brothers. Never once did you complain that you don’t have this toy, or that doll. Never once did you complain that you don’t have a Bratz Doll or a Monster High Doll like your bff’s. ย Yes you might have mentioned in passing that you would love to have those yet you would always retract your sentence and tell me and your dad, when we have the money.

I am so sorry if we still don’t have that money, with three kids, it’s hard. Yet you would still obey us, kiss us and tell us you love us. I don’t deserve you yet I know I am still up, alive, fighting because of you. Because you are still smiling even though Mama opens your eyes to “big responsibilities”.

I am praying that somehow, someday I would deserve you.

I don’t deserve them

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Yes. Right now I feel like I don’t deserve these three kids in this picture. My little girl is soon to be 9 on October, my sons are 6 and 3 years old. This picture was taken last week when they had a school program.

It was a crazy week for me. I had to rush their costumes, set them up early make up and all- but I wasn’t able to go and watch them dance ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I feel rotten but somehow I know they understand. I need to be at work.

Wednesday came and this little boy got sick ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

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This is my youngest, Jhon Javen, we call him JJ. I was surprised because i found blisters all over his body and the doctor said it was due to chicken pox. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I know I took them for immunization when they were young, but Doc said it sometimes can still attack their body:(

But he wasn’t in pain, in fact he is still all hyper and jumpy and happy… somehow he probably know how much I get worried when they get sick.

Then Friday came my nanny had to leave us for awhile because her grandfather died!! She will be back tomorrow.

But it was so hard leaving my kids at home. They didn’t have classes this week because of Intramurals and my youngest needs to stay at home, often times my husband would bring them to work. But today he can’t since my son still needs to be kept at home!

I also can’t be absent from work because it’s a Monday! My heart was so heavy this morning when I have to leave them under my sister-in-laws care which is also a bit hard for her because she is taking take care of 3 kids too!

But anyways, I honestly feel like I don’t deserve them. Leaving them at home. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I called them almost every hour today to check on them. I am just glad they were able to handle themselves quite well. Especially my daughter who assumed responsibility. I honestly told her she doesn’t need to since my sister-in-law was there but she end up taking care of my sons and she was even able to put them to sleep and take a nap in the afternoon!

I so feel like I don’t deserve her. See, they aren’t normal “normal” in a sense where they would ask me for toys. In fact they barely have toys. Yet you would not hear them complain AT ALL.

I am just so thankful that God gave me these wonderful kids right now.

I honestly feel like I don’t deserve them. Yet I know God gave them to me as a gift that I wouldn’t take for granted.

Hypocrisy or what?

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I was browsing online looking for some books to read. There will be no work tomorrow and I definitely would have time to read some books.

I browsed National Bookstore’s facebook page, I usually go there to see what books they are advertising, they have list of top 10 Best selling books. One post they have was that of “Beautiful Disaster” by Jamie McGuire which was translated to Filipino. I am fully aware that books particularly best selling ones are translated to Filipino like Fifty Shades, Twilight and even Hunger Games.

I won’t deny it that at first I was off with the idea of translating those wonderful books to our language. My first thought was it might be weird reading it in Filipino. But after watching last Sunday’s episode of Cheche Lazaro’s Ang Wika Ko. A special documentary on our Filipino language I was like slapped in the face for even feeling ashamed of our language. You can watch the trailer here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59itsdDWSBU , I am not sure where you can find the full version online.

The episode was about the debate on our own language, on some parts it is diminishing, even students fail to translate some words and could not even use the right noun or pronoun or verb in Filipino. Plus the endless battle of using P or F in the word Filipino or Pilipino. It was also discussed how most of our students now could not even speak Filipino straight, it would either be a mixture of English or their native dialect. Like for one here in my city it would either be a mixture of Filipino/English/Chavacano. Anyways, I would totally encourage you to watch that episode.

Back to my facebook observation. There were comments such as why were the books translated, it was such a shame. A SHAME? I am asking myself now. Is it really? Or should we even be proud that the authorย  allowed the rights to use our language and I bet the author is even a lot more proud that his/her books are translated in a different language thus expanding his/her market.

I personally believe now that it isn’t a shame at all. We should probably start to read in Filipino. I browsed online and saw that the Harry Potter series, Fifty Shades, Twilight were translated in different languages! From German to French to Spanish! WHY NOT in FILIPINO? It is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact it would RAISE OUR FLAG! It is time that we embrace our language! It may not be the most popular language in the world, not the most sought after to learn language in the world but it is OUR LANGUAGE! There are even foreigners who want to learn how to speak our language fluently and strive for it! We Filipinos could barely remember what verb is in Filipino, I for one could not remember the correct sentence structure in Filipino which is a shame! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I am ashamed right now. I used to be good at it in high school, i aced those exams. but what happened right now? Yes I am a hypocrite. I strive my best to write and speak in English but I didn’t strive to be good in Filipino. I stopped. I stopped learning Filipino because I took it for granted.

Those linguistics expert on Cheche Lazaro’s episode said media has something to do with it, most of what we see on cable tv is in English and yes nothing is wrong with that. Good thing right now is that our own Local media strives for Filipino, look at ABS CBN’s shows most are in Filipino now. Cheche Lazaro even shared that the first episodes of her show Probe was in English but the management changed it to English and she herself went through the eye of the needle to learn Filipino as she grew up in an English speaking family! So I believe we must do that too. Learn to speak in Filipino!

I also noticed that we before we barely have good books written in Filipino, well of course, we must not include Jose Rizal’s Noli Me Tangere or the El Filibusterismo as most of us were required to read it during high school But on a second though would we even read it if it wasn’t required? ๐Ÿ˜ฆ a lot would not. As I have to admit the words were really that hard to comprehend but after reading it it was still worth it. Let us be thankful for Bob Ong’s books or even those romance novel in Filipino. They still strive their best to uphold our language.

All I want to say is that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG IN USING OUR OWN LANGUAGE! Walang masama kung gagamitin natin ang sariling atin!

It is about time we use our own language. Oras na!

I even told my husband after watching the movie that we would take time to speak to our children in straight Filipino (or Tagalog, the same!) in straight Filipino so they will never forget to use it. My husband is happy about it as he is an advocate of that.

Before I end, we couldn’t also blame why most Filipinos strive to speak in English because most of their source of living requires speaking in English. I in fact could not deny that as I also work online and my employer is from California and in order for me to be able to communicate with her properly I need to be at level with her and that means speaking in English effectively and efficiently. That’s why most are defensive when it comes to English and learning English and putting more priority in learning English rather than in learning Filipino. Probably if we generate more jobs in our own land then probably we could also solve the problem of Filipinos loving our own Filipino language. I hope I am right here.

I could also remember doing a job for my employer where she asked me to do a research of the different language schools worldwide. Most of these language schools offer learning the following languages, English, Spanish, French,German,Japanese,Korean,Arabic,Mandarin. These were the top languages that people want to learn. How I wish soon I could see Filipino as one of the languages that people would want to learn.

And how I wish Filipino..some would stop being a hypocrite and embrace our language!

Oras na para mahalin ang sariling atin, at siguro pag ginawa natin ito magsisimula tayong umunlad. Hindi tayo uunlad kung hindi natin gagawin ito. Mahirap sa simula, at marami marahil ang hindi sasang-ayon subalit ito ang paraan na aking naiisip para makamit nga natin ang “daang matuwid”, isa sa mga paraan ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Men can be dense sometimes

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At 11 eve last night, I was feeling hungry. Couldn’t find the right food to eat. The crackers we have are all hard. So I called my husband who was out for the night with some friends. I told him to buy me some food preferably soft ones. He said ok.

So I end up waiting for him till 1 in the morning, and yes i was really excited because i was THAT hungry. only to find out that he bought Arroz Caldo (ugh!!!) its a porridge like dish with chicken in it. I don’t have problems with Arroz Caldo on a regular day i would love to eat it BUT I just had Arroz Caldo for dinner too!! (which he, himself cooked it for me) and now he came home bringing the same effin dish!!!!!!

 

I was like huh? why the heck are you bringing me this dish again? All he said that’s the only soft food he can think of! wahhh i felt like crying last night. I told him were near Chowking, Jolliee and Greenwich and all you can think of is Arroz caldo for me? wahh!!!

See, men can be dense sometimes. you need to spell it out to them.

pay back time

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The gods must be pissed off at me with my cheesecake addiction.

I spent most of my freetime last week looking at cheesecake making videos online.

and even ate nearly a whole of a cheesecake pie!

Yesterday i felt a pain in my right part of the cheek.. and i know it must be my tooth. ugh.

and now I am suffering. it is very very very swollen right now.

Swollen to the point that I can’t speak. I can’t eat properly.

I went to dentist today and had it checked and found the reason why but he can’t do anything about the tooth right but until the swelling subsides after 3-5 days! ugh!!! Torture!!

๐Ÿ˜ฆ i even took a picture of myself and i definitely look like a puffer fish.

my cheesecake addiction

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It’s been a week now that I’ve been craving for cheesecake! And finally I was able to eat one last night. Hubby ordered this from his friend who bakes cheesecakes. This one has cherries in and on top of it. pure yummmm!!!

I have been searching online for more types of cheesecakes. I even want to bake some myself.. probably in the future.. green tea cheesecake and nuttella cheesecake are on the top list.